Saturday, November 14, 2009
i m surprised how well my memory serves me from yesterdays trip on the bus. especially the former two tracks. the kinda music that befits the situation and tugs the heart strings.
u said to me last night. that it could be a matter of time before a person reverts to his old self. even tho the statement was made in reference to the other one, rather than me. i asked myself. so which is the real me. which is the season in which i m reverting to my true self?
but one thing is normal. one thing is a sure fact. apart from God, we only know how to live for ourselves. its a part of us that needs to be constantly renewed. when we find God. we find love. when we find love, in its most pure essence, from its unlimited source. its overwhelms us and flows out.
till then, we simply live in the loveless desert. with a vague idea of wad we are looking for. so deprived that our senses may fail us. but wasting away. hallucinating wad we want for wad something could really be. and therefore taking wadever that that can be taken. even if it just gives us a trace or ounce of wad we are looking for. even if, it ll hurt us. those out in the desert, might just take their chances on chewing the cactus. probably wad we call, looking for love in all the wrong places, in all the wrong faces, in all the wrong phases.
so i listened to this song. i must say at least 8 times since my duty started. felt sad. definitely. but u know wad. when it all started out. before we both lost sight, turned into cactus es and started chewing each others' needles. it was because we had love from its most pure essence and source. it drew us together. and i m confident that it ll draw us back. so wad is the self i m reverting to?? wad is the self i wanna revert to? its the one that had love from its most pure essence and source. this is the season.
'There is nothing we can do to move past this'
'Our time has moved past us'
I m having none of it.
Revert to the first stanza.
And the rest of the lyrics,
Will never apply again,
I ll write my own remainder.
In doing so,
I m just gonna keep running.
And run like i never have before ...
|cowpoo| 8:03 AM|
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Thursday, November 12, 2009
3 lines that reset and renewed my mood and perception for today.
its is better to give than to receive.
wad you reap, you shall sow.
if God is for you, who can be against you.
i remembered my conviction to myself that i ll pray in tongues when i feel troubled. so while i was praying. this just came to me. as long as i love. and i m willing to give. it shouldnt matter if i receive or not. cus love is unconditional. for if i sow love. i will reap love. it is a surefire principle in the natural as well as a promise from God. then i went. but shes sowing into his life also wad. then God kinda assured me. you have the Me factor He said. not in a competitive way or that i ll definitely triumph. but because of Him. i have the capacity to give and to love. and whether her decision is wad i would like or not. it ll work out for my good. He said. trust her. trust yourself. trust Me.
With You I am free
You give me no worries
Like the sun You warm my heart
And I'll follow You without a doubt
Now I face the future
Hand in hand with You
And Your Spirit freshens
My soul like waters new
You peace it stills
My busy mind
You are holding me
Everything works out for good
For those who love the Lord
So blessed am i with You
Always always always
I will not bow down
To this world
I will praise Your name
For You are worthy
Free by Christian City Church
|cowpoo| 11:44 AM|
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it ll be nice walking down, talking while soaking in the atmosphere and the spectacle of a christmas lit and decorated orchard road. on an evening when i wont have to think about work the next day, when i dont have to rush home for dinner or any other appointments. was never one for rushing.
i love the hugs. i love the hand holding. i love the kisses. i love spending time shopping. hanging out. but all these to me now, are representations of being a part of an enjoyable comfort zone. i appreciate them, but all i get is an ecstatic feel from having an exclusive privilege. i would still rather have them than not. but maybe as i grow older or perhaps now i just have a better idea of wad loving is all about or for some other reason i cant think off. i long for the deeper. the undivided attention of engaging spiritually and emotionally, the person hu ll hear about my dreams and hear about my plans, share with me her opinions and tell me likewise. a person hu ll speak into my life cus she loves, cares and wants me to be better. once upon a time, i didnt know this very essence, so i filled my gaps with the physical aspect. now i know. the physical wasnt meant to fill the gaps. it was meant to cover and re-enforce the fillings. like the popiah skin of the popiah. lol. i dont know if its cus we are in the re-enforcing stage. or that the other relationship just seems a tad more meaningful and is more evident of the above description. or maybe. the grass is just always greener. on the other side.
once again. i lament double standards.
but,
i m no one that i should ask,
i m the one who lost my chance.
hu do i have to blame,
but my own foolishness.
well. i ll be making thursday today as fruitful as i can.
1. come up with a list of things to buy when i get my birthday money
2. come up with a list of things i wanna sell when i do the flea market3. start doing my accounts for this month with regards to my spending since payday 2 days ago and start budgeting for this month's spending and saving4. go down to great world city and collect as well as pay for my moms present
5. embark on julie's present for when i go to thailand6. roll out a fitness and diet plan to loose the tummy and carry out the first step in the park at about 5pm in the evening7. lunch and spend time with my grandma8. quiet timeoff for a short dose of soccer then off to try and be fruitful.
|cowpoo| 9:28 AM|
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